How to Cook an Old Goose - Complete with Recipe

Well, you've decided that it's time to cook an auld goose, like they used to do back in the day.
But as you know, even carving up a young bird can be tricky - to carve up an old one requires art.

Philosophically speaking, isn't it the oldest critters that are the plumpest?

Aren't they the ones that bully the feed from the troughs of the younger?

Will they have not developed deep reserves of rich fat - not that dirty stuff you see on factory "crammed" crittern?

Haven't they developed deep stores of minerals, ay, gold and silver, in their very bones, bones which belong in our stocks?

And yet somehow, we are all expected to believe that it is too late to stop them - too late to consume these critters.

There is a recipe, however, that I have found to be effective on an auld goose.

Not only is it effective, but it is tasty. You will say to yourself that you will never cook another goose - unless it be an auld one.

The first thing to consider is a little more philosophy. Don't asians cook everything?
Don't they always make it tasty? Well, when in doubt, let us follow their example.
(Others make lots of tasty too, like American Italians, and certainly some others... Maybe goose parmesan one day.)

1 auld goose
1 grill, preferably wood fired
2 doses of Kung Pao (or Celestial Goose!) Marinade

Recipe for Kung Pao & Celestial Goose Marinade

This recipe is my own version of Kung Pao and Celestial Goose.
It is suitable for one duck.


* One to three red thai peppers. One if you can't handle spicy, three if you like it a touch spicy. One won't make it spicy at all, really, but the color is critical.

* 2/3 cup soy sauce

* 1/2 cup lime juice

* black pepper

* sea salt

* 1 heaping tablespoon of peanut butter

* 5 heaping tablespoons of whole wheat flour

* 1 tablespoon of roasted sesame oil

* 1/2 cup of raw cane sugar

Simmer the soy sauce and lime juice. Finely dice the peppers and add them.
Simmer for 3-5 minutes.
Add the sugar. Simmer hotly for 1-3 minutes. The sugar needs to convert,
somewhat. Add the salt and pepper.

Make flour paste with the flour and water. Do this by slowly adding water
to the flour, while mixing, until it is paste. Mix it in gently.

Add 1 heaping tablespoon of peanut butter. Add the sesame oil.
Add 1/5 cup water.

Simmer until thick like barbecue sauce. Use for marinade AND glaze.

To make it Celestial instead of Kung Pao, use lemon juice instead of lime,
add 1/4 cup of orange juice, and some diced pineapple at grilling and serving time.

Preparing the Goose

Skin, Draw and Quarter the goose.

I don't believe you will want to pluck it. You will find that skinning it is

With a sharp knife, remove the meat from the bones in complete pieces.
It should separate relatively easily from the bone. Cut the pieces into
strips or discs, approximately 1/2 inch thick.

Tenderize the meat with a spiky meat tenderizer until it seems as though
it woud easily tear by hand. Combine the meat and marinade in a container
or bag, and let it sit for 4 hours.


Start a hot wood fire such that 2 or 3 pieces of wood approximately 6
inches in diameter will burn strongly on its own. This fire should be
mostly on one side of the grill. When the flames have died down
significantly, and the big wood is burning, place the meat on the opposite
side of the grill. Gently cover with remaining sauce, but do not let the
sauce put your fire out. Place the grill's cover such that the outward
draft exits above the meat. Add a sprinking of coarse sea salt while
the meat is on the gill.

The goose should be done in 5-10 minutes, depending on your fire. You
may want to practice with cuts of a venison haunch in order to perfect your